Pesach 5785 - Coming Together

Coming Together at a Seder

The Pesach Haggadah highlights four sons: the wise son, the wicked son, the simple son, and the one who does not even know how to ask a question. These four sons parallel the four sons who are depicted in various places in the Torah. Each son, except for the one who cannot formulate a question, engages with the Pesach experience by asking about it. Yet the wicked son poses a particularly provocative question: “What is this service to you?” By the nature of the wording, the wicked son distances himself from the community. The Talmud Yerushalmi explains that he is essentially asking, “What is this burden you impose upon us every year?” (Yerushalmi Pesachim 10:4).

The Haggadah’s response to this son is strikingly harsh: “Had he been there [in Egypt] he would not have been redeemed.” Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch, ZT”L, explains that this anticipates times in Jewish history where children will openly mock their parents’  traditions. If so, a natural question arises: Why is the wicked son even present at the Seder? Why does the father bother to answer him at all? Wouldn’t it be easier to avoid his cynicism—and the potential negative influence on others—by not inviting him?

The Haggadah is telling us that despite his negative influence, the wicked son should be invited to the seder and we should engage with him. The Jewish people are one big family, and no Jew is ever outside the family. Even a rebellious or mocking child must be welcomed and engaged. The father’s sharp response, that if the son had lived in Egypt he would not have been redeemed, was not an act of rejection but was instead an attempt to shake his son into reexamining his attitude towards Judaism.

Rav Osher Weiss finds a parallel idea from the laws of the Korban Pesach, the Passover offering. The lamb must be totally consumed on the Seder night, and this can only be done as part of a group—never alone. Participants must be designated beforehand, and no one can leave the group mid-meal simply because they don’t like their fellow diners. The Seder is meant to bring people together, regardless of personal differences.

Rav Zilberstein recounts a moving story of meeting an Israeli paratrooper who had no interest in Judaism. Despite this, Rav Zilberstein tried to connect with him, even if just for a moment. He told him, “You know that I am very jealous of you.” Startled, the soldier asked why. The Rav explained, “Chazal tell us that death atones for all sins. Even without dying, the intense suffering that one experiences serves as an atonement.” He continued: “I presume that when you parachuted, you experienced moments of fear of death. In those moments, your sins were forgiven. That’s why I am jealous of you.” (Zilberstein Haggadah, pp. 89-90). The parachuter’s demeanor shifted,  and by the end of the conversation he was open to learning Torah.

The Haggadah teaches us an enduring message: We should look at every Jew as our brother or sister. No matter how distant someone may seem from Torah or tradition, we are required to reach out, engage, and include them. Especially during Pesach, a time of national and spiritual renewal, we should make special efforts to welcome others, whether through Torah learning or simply by inviting them to our Seder.

May we merit to celebrate next year’s Seder together, with every Jew, in Yerushalayim.