Parshas Lech Lecha 5786 - Handling Adversity

After Sarai, Avram’s wife, recognized that she could not have any children, she offered her maidservant Hagar to Avram as a wife so Avram could have a child. Once Hagar became pregnant, however, her attitude changed:

“And when she [Hagar] saw that she had conceived, her mistress [Sarai] was lowered in her esteem. (Beraishis 16:5).

Rashi explains that Hagar’s arrogance stemmed from her pregnancy. She reasoned that Sarai could not truly be righteous—otherwise, she would have merited children herself—while Hagar conceived immediately.

Sarai was deeply hurt by this change and “dealt harshly with her, so she fled from her” (Bereishis 16:6). In the desert, Hagar encountered an angel of Hashem: 

“An angel of Hashem found her by the spring of water in the desert… and he said, ‘Hagar, maidservant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?’ And she said, ‘I am running away from Sarai my mistress.’ And the angel of Hashem said to her: ‘Return to your mistress and submit yourself to her domination.’” (Beraishis 16:7-9).

Why did the angel not only tell Hagar to return, but also to submit to Sarai’s domination?

Rabbi Elie Munk notes that Hagar answered only the first of the angel’s two questions—“Where have you come from?”—but not the second, “Where are you going?” Like many fugitives, Hagar knew what she was fleeing from, but not where she was heading. Her decision was driven only by a desire to escape. The angel therefore urged her to stop running and instead face her difficulties. Real growth, the angel implied, comes not from avoidance but from confronting and improving our relationships.

But there is an even deeper message here. Hagar’s conflict with Sarai began with arrogance—seeing herself as superior because she had conceived. But when the angel addressed her as “Hagar, maidservant of Sarai,” she did not protest. She simply replied, “I am running away from Sarai my mistress,” implicitly accepting her place with humility.

The Talmud (Bava Kamma 92b) praises her for this response. Rava teaches: “If your friend calls you a donkey, prepare a saddle for your back,” meaning, accept an affront with grace rather than defensiveness. The Maharsha explains that most people instinctively reject any perceived insult, but Hagar showed rare piety and humility in ignoring the affront, accepting the angel’s words without protest.

Through this exchange, Hagar transformed. Once proud and resentful, she now accepted her situation with humility. By returning to Sarai, she was not merely going back to servitude—she was embracing the need for reconciliation. Her humility allowed her to rebuild her relationship with Sarai and with Avram, and ultimately, to fulfill her own destiny as the mother of Yishmael.

We can learn from Hagar that except in truly abusive situations, we should generally not run away from difficult relationships or challenges. When we act with humility, we open the door to healing and peace. 

If we can bring harmony to our own personal relationships, then in that merit may Hashem bring lasting peace among all people and nations, and especially with the Jewish people.