Parshas Devarim 5786 - A Tale of Two Daughters

Why did Hashem command the Jewish people to treat the nations of Moav and Ammon differently, even though both descended from Lot and both later acted with hostility toward Israel?

Moshe recounts in Sefer Devarim that, on their journey to the Land of Israel, the Jewish people were instructed to bypass both nations. Yet the Torah uses different language for each.

Regarding Moav, the Torah states:

"You shall not distress Moav and you shall not provoke war with them." (Devarim 2:9)

Regarding Ammon, however, the Torah says:

"You shall approach opposite the children of Ammon; you shall not distress them and you shall not provoke them." (Devarim 2:19)

Both nations were protected from attack, but the Torah's wording differs. With respect to Moav, the prohibition is limited to waging war. Regarding Ammon, however, the Torah forbids any form of provocation.

Rashi explains this distinction by tracing it back to the mothers of these two nations (see Bava Kamma 38b). After the destruction of Sodom, Lot's daughters mistakenly believed that they and their father were the only survivors left in the world. Acting לשם שמים—with the sincere intention of preserving humanity—they each bore a son. Yet they differed in how they named their children.

The older daughter named her son Moav, meaning "from my father," openly revealing the incestuous origin of the child. The younger daughter, by contrast, named her son Ben Ami ("son of my people"), using a more discreet expression that concealed the circumstances of his birth.

Rashi concludes that Ammon received greater protection from the Jewish people "as a reward for the modesty (tznius) of their mother, who did not publicize what her older sister had revealed." (Rashi on Devarim 2:9).

This explanation raises an obvious question. Why should one woman's modesty, generations earlier, determine the treatment of an entire nation centuries later? Moreover, both Moav and Ammon later behaved similarly toward the Jewish people, refusing even to provide them with food and water during their journey (Devarim 23:5). Why should the conduct of their ancestor still matter?

The Maharal of Prague explains that the actions of the mothers shaped the character of the nations that descended from them. Cultures are not formed overnight. They begin with values that parents transmit to their children and then become part of a nation's identity.

The older daughter displayed less modesty by openly publicizing the origin of her son, and that attitude became embedded in the culture of Moav. The younger daughter, however, demonstrated restraint and discretion. Her modesty became part of the spiritual character of Ammon. Although Ammon was far from righteous, that inherited quality of tznius distinguished it from Moav and earned it additional Divine protection (Gur Aryeh to Rashi; Sichos Mussar 48, pp. 496–97).

This lesson remains highly relevant today. Modern culture and social media often encourage people to publicize the most personal aspects of their lives and to seek attention through constant self-disclosure. The Torah presents a different ideal. Tznius is not limited to clothing. It is an attitude of humility, discretion, and dignity that is reflected in our speech, our relationships, and our conduct.

The story of Lot's daughters reminds us that an attitude of modesty can leave a lasting impression—not only on ourselves, but also on our families, those that we interact with, and on future generations.

May we strive to cultivate this quality of tznius in every aspect of our lives. In that merit, may we fulfill Bilaam's blessing: "How goodly are your tents, O Yaakov, your dwelling places, O Israel" (Bamidbar 24:5).