Parshas Shmini 5785 - Give Peace a Chance

This week’s parsha highlights the death of Aharon’s two sons, Nadav and Avihu, when they brought a strange fire before Hashem. (Vayikra 10:1). Despite the loss of their sons and brothers, Moshe commanded Aharon and his two remaining sons, Elazar and Ithamar, to carry on with their duties with the inauguration of the Mishkan.

This command led to a dispute between Moshe and the Cohanim. As mourners, Aharon, Elazar and Ithamar burned the he-goat of the sin-offering, and did not eat the sacrifice. This decision brought out an angry response by Moshe: “… and he was wrathful with Elazar and Ithamar, Aharon’s remaining sons, saying ‘Why did you not eat the sin-offering in a holy place, for it is most holy… You should have eaten it… as I had commanded!”. (Ibid. 10:16-18).

Aharon told Moshe: “Now that such things befell me – were I to eat this day’s sin-offering, would Hashem approve? (10:19).” Moshe immediately conceded. “Moshe heard and it was good in his eyes.” (Ibid. 10:20). What prompted Moshe to suddenly change his position? Aharon did not introduce any new halachic reasoning. Indeed, Moshe himself had known that mourners (onenim) are disqualified from partaking in certain sacrifices. So what changed?

It appears that it was not the content of what Aharon said that caused Moshe to change his mind. Rather, it was the behavior of Aharon and his sons. Rashi explains that Elazar and Ithamar refrained from speaking with Moshe out of deference to him. Instead, they remained silent and allowed their father to respond to Moshe. However, even Aharon waited until Moshe had completely finished speaking before responding. This dignified restraint completely changed the dynamics of their dispute. By allowing Moshe to make his point and not interrupting him, Aharon showed that he valued Moshe’s viewpoint even while disagreeing with him. When Moshe felt validated by Aharon, he was able to truly listen to Aharon’s position and then recognize that Aharon was correct.

Too often, our disputes—whether with family, in the workplace, or online—escalate because we’re focused on defending our position, rather than understanding the other person. We interrupt, speak over each other, and refuse to budge. But the Torah shows us another approach. When we listen attentively, when we wait our turn to speak, and when we honor the dignity of the person we disagree with, we create openings for resolution. Aharon and his sons didn’t respond with anger or defensiveness. They responded with patience and honor. May we strive to bring that same spirit of respectful listening into our own lives—and bring shalom into the world.